Intimacy and belonging

It seems we all long for connection, and yet it can sometimes feel elusive even in our most intimate relationships. We desire to be seen, yet reluctant to expose ourselves and bare our souls raw and unprotected. This is because connection necessitates reciprocity and, consequently, begets the possibility of rejection. This fear of rejection can trigger painful feelings of shame and unworthiness that many of us can wrestle with for a lifetime, so in our bids for connection we tend to be selective in our self-revelation, reluctant to unveil our more genuine layers. Yet facing this fear is also the gateway to inheriting a sense of wholeheartedness, which is our birthright.

Even when connections are made, it takes work to sustain them over time. It requires an incredible amount of generosity to maintain that commitment to reciprocity, to make the choice to connect again and again. It also takes the constant labor of knowing oneself. For we cannot be vulnerable, we cannot truly be seen, if we don’t first reveal ourselves to ourselves, which is no easy feat.

And if we are able to do all this- to develop deep self awareness, to reveal the whole of us, and then receive this wholehearted admission from another making the same choice (love) - what a gamble! Because nothing is guaranteed. A new fear emerges- the fear of loss, which is at the root of our existential dilemma. So why bother?

In my opinion, giving up on the possibility of love, belonging, and joy would be the greater risk. The good news is that connection doesn’t have to be a scarce resource, we can find it in abundance when we are surrounded by people living with open, whole, generous hearts. Unfortunately, we continue to live in a patriarchal culture that oppresses connection, that maintains its dominance by indoctrinating us in the ways of disconnection. And although it is not our fault, we have all been complicit in its perpetuation.

So consider this your formal invitation to dismantle the system that oppresses us all with your big gooey heart, with radical compassion, generosity and kindness, with courageous honesty and vulnerability, by taking the risk to reveal the whole of you.

And perhaps more importantly, to readily create opportunities for others to reveal themselves to you, to embody a safe space that can receive another in their humanness (while honoring your own boundaries and safety, of course. Again, it’s a choice!)

This month we offer you a playlist; ‘Write your Body’. It contains some spoken word amongst other delicious music. As we enter the darker part of the year , the earth is showing us the more introspective and reflective part of our nature. Our invitation to you this month is to put on the playlist and allow yourself some moments in your day to journal, to free write, to write your body.

We know this can sometimes be a daunting task , our bodies hold so many stories. Here are 2 prompts to start you out in becoming more intimate with everything inside of you- the seen and the unseen.

1.What is in my external environment? Can i describe the room or space i am in? The colours and textures, words, symbols, shapes, patterns and everything i see and sense around me.

2.What is in my internal environment? Can i describe the sensations and feelings inside of me? The colours and textures, words, symbols, shapes and patterens moving throughout my internal landscape.